Is Love Avoiding Me

 As I took a slow walk along the valley behind my house one sunny fourth of July last year, I was looking in awe at the dead trees, and the poison ivy that some people believe to be  flowers, and smelling the water in the creek (that I know comes from the sewers), when a bird pooed on my head. I thought “oh well” just another ordinary day. As I ran along, I bumped into a buddy of mine that I will call Stinky and please don't ask why I call him that, I think it is obvious. As we walked, I told him about the bird, and he replied “take me to the tree that you were standing under, its good luck”. If I had thought for one minute that it was good luck I would have found some dog dirt and rolled around in it, (as you may have figured Stinky really doesn’t have much of a social life, but then again, were two of a kind).

 Our biggest problem is communicating with women. Stinky can usually mouth a few comments, then he has to leave the scene. I’m a little more relaxed since I work with a lot of women anyway. I can usually have  somewhat of a conversation with them before I start to sweat and have any confidence suddenly elude me, then I have to politely excuse myself.

 Stinky feels that women's standards are too high when it comes to dating, however, I disagree. I really don't believe for a minute the women suggesting that he  have a shower before picking her up is considered “high slandered”. Stinky  might be the least washed fellow I know, but he is  one of the nicest (nicest not brightest). However, he does sometimes on occasion come up with pretty amazing idea's that make  more sense then not, but I'm not sure about this one. “We will join a Dating Site” he cried out. I said before sometimes he comes up with smart idea's but this wasn't one of those times. He proceeded to inform me that a friend at work gave him the idea(nice friend). “Is this the same friend that leaves deodorant and body wash on your desk?” I asked. “It sure is! He's a very thoughtful person,” (is he for real). Stinky said “My friend met a wonderful women on a dating site,” (what women?? the guy he's talking about is gay!) “Why would your homosexual friend use a dating site to meet women?” I asked, “I think your getting in over your head”. In the end, and after weeks of hiding from  Stinky and his crazy idea, I finally decided to give in just to humor him.

  As I tried to sleep that night, all I could think about was the last date I had, which ended in complete disaster for me. I’m sure the woman I'll call “hungry”, hadn’t eaten in a  few days  prior to our date and she must have thought I had a big trust fund or something! After she had consumed several finger sandwiches as well as several other side dishes, expensive wine and the entree of lamb chops, I checked the balance in my bank account, then to my horror she demanded we order desert! “Desert!?” I quickly reminded her that this was not an all you can eat buffet, she then  jumped up called me things I've never heard before and made her way to the door. Like the desperate person I am, I ran after her and asked if she would like to see me again, at which time she beat me with her hand bag (I guess that meant no!). So I went back to the table and sat by myself looking at the bill she had run up and wondered if I would be able to get lots of overtime at work next week to pay for it.

  I started to have a lot of doubts about joining a dating site, but since my best friend was very excited about it (and knowing he would do anything for me), I decided to go through with it. It turned out to be the best move that we had ever made. Stinky and I both joined a Dating Site, and it wasn’t long before we had  responses from some beautiful ladies. We were both very worried and excited to think that we might no longer have to prop up blowup dolls on our couches so the neighbors would see the silhouette and think we actually had lives. Stinky asked me “what should I do to get ready?”I said “just get in the shower and don't forget to turn the water on, use that bar of soap (you only had it for whole year) and scrub your troubles  down the drain”, (as well as the dirt and body odor of course). We double dated that evening to support each other, and we had a wonderful time. It was a standard dinner and dancing date, but it just went so well. Stinky took me aside and declared that this was the woman of his dreams. I gave him a bear hug, and said “follow your heart,” and he did. She seemed to take to him as well, surprisingly!

 Well I don't call him Stinky anymore, (no one does now that he has learned  basic  hygiene). He is and always will be, my best friend. Henry is still with his special woman that he met on that dating site. This was several years ago and after dating for two years, they tied the knot. They had two children and are expecting another any time now. As for me, it took a little longer, but I finally found my life partner, and we are expecting our first child soon. Life is great and it keeps getting better!

 Its true what they say, there's somebody for everyone. All you have to do is look in the right place and you'll find them. In many cases, it takes a nudge from someone who cares about you to get you going in the right direction . Life is too short and precious to spend it alone, wondering what your life would be like if you had done something to find that special person. So if you want to be happy then take my advice, and get off your ass and go for it.

  Hey, if Stinky and I can do it, so can you! There are so many dating sites out there that you might think you'll never find the right one, but I'll give you a tip, this is the site that me and Stinky used to find the best sites for us and in our opinion its the best place to find dating sites. So if you are tired of being lonely and want someone to be your life companion well just follow this link, it will be the best move you ever make.

Online Personals Sites

Summer Sex

Even if you are not an outdoorsy kind of person, if you are dating over the course of a summer, you are likely to find yourself and your date communing with good old mother nature at some point. Even if roughing it means a cottage with a deck and boathouse rather than a tent on a backpacking trail, you will likely find many romantic moments as you enjoy the invigorating lift that being out in the country gives you. All that fresh air and all those sunsets are natural sexual invigorators – getting her in the intimate frame of mind, and reminding him about the natural side of being alive. On top of that, with the moon shining at night and millions of stars in the sky, you will likely find yourself braving the elements to go skinny-dipping. Invariably, at some point, the entire concept of outdoors sex will just happen. Sex can be a great thing of course, but there are some cautions that you should take before setting out on such sexual adventures.

Problem: Sex in a Dirty Environment

Outdoor activities expose you to more grime, and with that, more bacteria. Normal outdoor activities like starting a fire, cooking over a campfire, cutting wood, and just the smoke and bug sprays leaves you a much less desirable person to be around from an intimacy point of view. No matter how amorous you might feel, the Hollywood movie version of an idyllic and loving camping trip or nature walk are unlikely to happen unless you take care of basic sanitation necessities. So there are a few recommendations. Wash up thoroughly before bedtime. When roughing it in the bush, take a container of 'wet wipes' with you to help keep yourself sanitary in your nether regions.

Solution: Bath or Sponge Bath Frequently

This is almost a catch 22 issue. In many national parks, or even state level parks, there are usually shower facilities. Of course this does not help you if you are on an overnight trip on a backpacking trail and miles away from a shower. Go during off-peak hours when you’ll have some privacy – waiting until all the kids in the park are in bed is the perfect time to go. If you are around showers, then you can make use of them. Perhaps using them after midnight or very early in the morning would bypass shower queues. Of course if you on a backpack trail, you will need to either bath in a stream, or else mutually sponge bath each other.

Problem:  Privacy

It doesn’t take an acoustics engineer to realize that the millimeter of nylon that comprises your tent wall won’t do much to keep your sex noises private. And since sound travels so well over water, even people on the other side of the lake will be able to hear what you sound like when you’re trying the Inverted Reverse Pile-driver. Even worse, if you’ve gone camping with friends and their kids, there are going to be a lot of questions in the morning about the strange noises they’ve heard.

 Solution: Really Long-g-g Nature Hikes

This is likely the least embarrassing and most satisfying solution. It is really a sort of an intimate commune with nature. But first, you need to think about safety. First, watch out for wildlife – especially lions and tigers and bears – OH MY! – just kidding, but there are some animals that you have to consider depending on your region. Many areas have bears, but in the mountain regions, there are some cats that may cause concern. Most other meat eaters tend to shy away from people, but if you are in the deep south, you can run into reptiles that are not so pleasant. Nothing dampens the libido more than running for your life. Second, don’t go at night – finding your way back in the dark when you’re brain has been scrambled by some hot sex is too difficult. Third, bring a blanket. That way, if you accidentally lay down for the hot times on a fire-ant hill, they’ll have a difficult time getting revenge on you while you’re in the middle of you’re sex. Tell other people in your campsite where you will be.  That way, if you deplete all your bodily fluids during the coitus and can’t make it back, they can send the rangers out to look for you. Just pull up your shorts before they rescue you, for appearances sake.

Good Camping!

Dating Sites

Summer Sex

Almost everyone who has dated in during the summer months has found themselves in the great outdoors, at some point, communing with nature. Whether that means camping or staying at a cottage, there will be many romantic moments as you enjoy yourself out in 'the wilds'. All the fresh air and sunsets are likely to boost your libido significantly, and get yourself and your partner in a sensual state of mind. On top of that, with the moon shining at night and millions of stars in the sky, you will likely find yourself braving the elements to go skinny-dipping. Invariably, at some point, the entire concept of outdoors sex will just happen. Sex can be a great thing of course, but there are some cautions that you should take before setting out on such sexual adventures.

Problem: Dirty Sex (And Not “Good” Dirty, Either)

Outdoor activities expose you to more grime, and with that, more bacteria. When you start a fire, you’re going to get covered in ash and grime (at least if you do it like I do). Barbecues will inherently get some sauces and juices on you. And then there are the layers of bug spray and sun block you have on your skin. All together, you’re pretty damn gross by the time you head back to your tent for some “private” times. No woman wants to give oral sex to a gross, dirty penis. And no guy enjoys fondling a boob covered in slimy grime. The thrill will fade quickly.

Solution: Bath or Sponge Bath Frequently

There are ways around this pitfall, of course. In many national parks, or even state level parks, there are usually shower facilities. Of course this does not help you if you are on an overnight trip on a backpacking trail and miles away from a shower. Go during off-peak hours when you’ll have some privacy – waiting until all the kids in the park are in bed is the perfect time to go. If you sneak in together, you can have a shower, and then shower sex together (likely though, unless you are in a same sex relationship, one of you will be busting into a facility meant for the opposite sex – maybe three in the morning would be better).

Problem:  Threes a Crowd

It doesn’t take an acoustics engineer to realize that the millimeter of nylon that comprises your tent wall won’t do much to keep your sex noises private. And since sound travels so well over water, even people on the other side of the lake will be able to hear what you sound like when you’re trying the Inverted Reverse Pile-driver. Even worse, if you’ve gone camping with friends and their kids, there are going to be a lot of questions in the morning about the strange noises they’ve heard.

 Solution: Long Nature Treks

This is a great strategy, but make sure you are safe while you do it. First, watch out for wildlife – especially lions and tigers and bears – OH MY! – just kidding, but there are some animals that you have to consider depending on your region. Many areas have bears, but in the mountain regions, there are some cats that may cause concern. Most other meat eaters tend to shy away from people, but if you are in the deep south, you can run into reptiles that are not so pleasant. Nothing dampens the libido more than running for your life. Second, do not go on a long sex trek at night. Better to do it during the day, when wildlife is less prevalent, and you can see clearly as you run for you life if some scary animal shows up. Third Bring something to lay on so you do not get sand in your Schlitz. You should also let your camping buddies know where you are going in case you do not come back.  Now they can send the rangers for you in case you get all caught up in your escapades and do not get back in time.

Good Camping!
Online Dating