Dating – A First Time For Everything

When you begin dating someone and they turn out to be a person you’d like to see regularly, there will likely be some significant firsts in your relationship that you’ll need to be prepared for.  Here are a few of the biggest hurdles and what you can do to handle the situation.

Premiere Puke

In the normal course of any relationship, eventually your partner is going to end up drinking too much and vomiting. It has happened to everyone. If your date is getting sick, the best thing to do is give them a bucket, space, a glass of water and a washcloth. If you date has long hair, you can either tie it back, or else just stand there and hold it out of harm's way. In any event, after the worst is over, they are going to want to clean up. Hopefully you have a few extra toothbrushes available. If not, then give them yours. They will not mind, and you can always replace it. Buy several when you do. While you are at it, pick up some gaviscon. That is a sure fire way to settle an upset stomach so you can avoid repeat events later. This is not the most wonderful of events, but if you can get past it and still like her, then likely you have something going between you. If you have prepared buy buying a few extras, then it is a much less traumatic experience for all.

First Silent Sender In Bed

This can be a very delicate moment. If you are not the culprit, then try to not make anything big about it. Treat it like no big deal. Just remember that if they feel comfortable enough to pass wind around you, then they are getting a lot more comfortable with the entire relationship as well. If it’s going to smell, get up and get a drink of water and give it time to air out. If it turns out that you are the perpetrator, then just say a polite,"Excuse Me." Do not try to blame it on any specific thing. Likely your partner already knows what you have been ingesting that night, and therefore can draw their own conclusions as to the reasons. No matter what, avoid a blue dart lighting contest. And under no circumstances shoe their head under the sheets. If you have really outdone yourself so that 'Pepe le Peu' would notice, then just open a window.

First Sonic Sender

Once that first bed-time fart has happened, the inevitable next first will be the first showmanship fart. So in this situation, not only do you let out the fart, but you do it loudly. Sometimes this is referred to as a showmanship fart. Besides the fact that it is very immature, it is also a sign of intimacy. If you or your partner feel that you have reached the point where your basest bodily actions are not an issue, then it represents a whole new level in your relationship. If you partner is the perpetrator, then a smile and grin is okay. If it is more than just noise, thank them for the warning as you get upwind. If you are the one who set of the gas cloud, then you need to take your next cues from your partner. If they laugh and applaud, then take a bow. Otherwise, excuse yourself and keep your anal regions buttoned up tight in the future.

Using The Toilet For The First Time When One Of You Is In The Shower

When you’ve been dating someone for a while, at one point while one of you is showering, the other is going to need to use the toilet. If it’s your partner in the shower and you are in desperate need of using the toilet, simply announce your presence as you enter the bathroom and explain what is going on. Make sure that you tell them that you will not flush until they are finished.  PUT THE LID DOWN WHEN YOU ARE DONE.  If you are the one in the shower, then ask them not to flush, but be ready in-case they do it out of force of habit. You might even ask them to join you when they are done so you can mutually wash each other. Very entertaining.

Morning Breath

This is a real glass is half empty/full moment. On the good side, they spent the night, which is always a good thing. You wake up snuggled to your date, who is still grinning from your fabulous sex techniques. They plant a big kiss on you to say “good morning”. Unfortunately their breath smells like they ate a skunk’s anus for a midnight snack. You suppress your natural urge to shove them as far away from you as you can. Do not react like that! Instead, say something sweet and sexy. Likely you have dragon breath as well, so you have to be fair about it. Get up to "Pee" and while up, brush your teeth and your tongue. Offer to make them some sort mint tea. Casually mention while you are on your way to the kitchen that you have an extra new toothbrush in the bathroom for them if they want to use one. They will jump at the chance. The real pros keep a small container of peppermint candy on the bedside table. Once the odor problem is taken care of, take another turn in the sack to see what other positions you can dream up.

Meeting Friends and Family

It is always a challenge the first time that you meet your partner's friends. They will all be checking you out to see if you are good enough for their pal. Some will be friendly, and some will be hostile A few of them will likely still be friendly with your partner's ex. In fact, they may even be rooting for them to pick things back up again. Needless to say, you are in the way of that objective, so they will be looking for ways to pull you apart. Some of them will be secretly interested in your partner, and want you out of the picture altogether. If you are lucky, some of them may even lust after you. This would be most fortunate if you are a guy and they are a MILF.

You have to behave like a Shito priest. Regardless of the provocation, you must be in control of your emotions and serene. Find the ones who are the most friendly, and spend most of your time with those people. Make jokes and act intelligently. Whenever possible, give your partner public shows of affection. Just do not get sickening about it. This will help you to establish the fact that they are with you and not anyone else. It is best to set a drink limit on yourself when you get to the party. That way you will not get drunk and do something stupid in retaliation. Just remember to stay cool and go out of your way to turn the other cheek.

The Ex

The first time you and your date are out in public and you run into their ex, it can be a tricky moment. This is especially tricky if they still have feelings for your partner. A one sided dumping of the Ex by your partner will almost certainly result in such a dilemma. You need to assess the emotional state of the Ex as rapidly as possible. They can be buddy buddy, or they can be somewhat antagonistic. If they’re friendly, then you be friendly. Offer your hand in friendship. Let your date and their ex have a few minutes of small talk. If there is hostility or anger, never escalate. In this situation the best response is a tactful withdrawal. Nothing will be gained by confrontation. Calmly suggest to your partner that you both should leave, and then do so. Take them someplace where you can talk to them easily. Likely they will need to vent a bit after such a confrontation. The tactful withdrawal is the high road and that should always be followed. It is much more classy than a brawl! Once you’ve left the ex behind, then you should feel free to make fun of their hairstyle.

The rules of engagement (excuse the pun) are pretty much the same if it happens to be your own Ex that you bump into. If your current partner sees that you can maintain a somewhat friendly relationship with your Ex, it is bonus points for you.  If you can maintain a good relationship with your Ex, then it gives you kudos points. If it turns out that you have a hostile relationship with your Ex, then get out of dodge as quickly as can be gracefully achieved. You do not want them to start nattering on about stuff best left forgotten in the past.

Eating Crackers In The Sack

Most partners will just eat a few with you. It would be a relationship disaster if it turns out that “Crackers” is your pooch. In this case both of your relationships are going to the dogs!

The First Time You Are Found In Bed With Genital Grease And A Goose

You can kiss your relationship goodbye. You may even be locked up. Hopefully at the funny farm.

The First Time You Are Found Playing Tonsil Hockey With Your Ex

If your partner and your Ex are into orgies, you might still be okay. Otherwise, your relationship has just been given the kiss of death. Leave post haste with whatever dignity you might have left.


For more fun but informative stories go to
Everyday Relationships Advice

Veggie Sex and Other Forms Of Sex On a Budget

One of the best things about having sex with a new partner while dating is finding out all about their sexual kinks. The lovely and demure woman from the office that you’re dating might have a secret love for hardcore bondage and S&M. The cute, shy guy who started last week may turn out to be an exhibitionist who loves having sex in public parks or in the stationary room. You just never know.


That’s why it’s always so fun going to a sex shop with your new partner and buying some sex toys for your private times. Maybe have a few drinks at a pub near the sex shop first, that way you’re both a little drunk, and your normal inhibitions will be dropped. You won’t feel so shy about proposing some nipple clamps and blindfolds, and your partner will feel more at ease with putting a giant fist-sized dildo in the shopping cart. In vino veritas.


With the constantly rising cost of living and the bad economy, purchases at a sex shop can get expensive. On top of this, it is absolutely impossible to return anything used (for obvious reasons).


In an effort to help you stretch your shrinking sex toy dollar, I have compiled a list of low cost alternatives. Have fun, but first, please check with your physician before trying these out.




Sex In The Office (Or Anywhere For That Matter)


Set Your Phone to Vibrate and carry it in your front pocket. Better yet, stuff it down your shorts. Best to have two phones for this so you can call yourself frequently. This is useful if you are not getting enough action. Turn off your voice mail to maximize your pleasure! If you employ another cell phone, you can call yourself during boring meetings, or other venues. Suddenly, pocket dialing is no longer a problem to be dealt with, but a surprise to be welcomed!




Pure Pleasing Pleasure From Produce


Instead of spending up to a hundred dollars on a dildo at the sex shop, go to your local supermarket and choose a vegetable that you think you’ll enjoy. When you get home, simply wash it in warm water and fit it with an appropriately sized condom. Add a bit of lube and go for it! The best options are:
1) Cucumber – (all time favorite for regular sized vagina's) make sure you de-nub it first
2) Carrot – ideal for smaller ladies with tight pussies
3) Zucchini – if you enjoy activities like fisting, you would likely have to turn to the stalwart zucchini to give you pleasure.
4) Baking Potato – in reality, the zucchini is easier to hang on to
5) Sweet potato – these can have some interesting twists for your pleasure – select carefully for maximum entertainment.
6) Celery – not a good choice – to thin and too angular for pleasure
7) Watermelon – Holy Cow! You have to be kidding me! Right?


So if you want, you can use the veggie of choice as a way to size a dildo purchase at a sex store. Either that, or else you can just keep on the veggie sex regime. The nice part about veggie sex or veggie masturbation is that if it ends up that the veggie is the wrong size, you’ve only spent a couple of bucks to learn that.


Stay out of the deli department. Anything in there is just a bad idea, no matter how tempting!




Better Orgasms For Women In Real Live Situations


Many women can only achieve orgasms through clitoral stimulation. That’s why a lot of cock rings these days have a little vibrator on the top – so that with every deep thrust of the penis, the vibrator hits the plump clit and the woman gets stimulated. But if you think about it, there are a lot more things in your daily life that vibrate, and you can use that to your advantage. Have you ever had sex on your washing machine? If not, you are in for a treat. Put the machine on spin cycle, and go to it. For an extra kick, do something to unbalance the machine (like throwing in a floor mat all by itself). You will never look at laundry chores in the same negative light again!.


For other fun, Have her hold her phone next to her clit and give her a bunch of hot, dirty crank calls, and set to “vibrate”. This is hot! With most phone plans, it is also very inexpensive, especially if she turns off her voice mail so it never picks up.. You have to keep the phone dry, so use a condom.


Californians are the luckiest because they can take advantage of the frequent earthquakes and tremors to get it on! Sex on a train is possible in the washroom. Most local commuter trains are on rented tracks that are also used by freight trains. This adds a lot of vibration to any train ride. The washroom may be a little cramped, but the excitement of doing something almost in public might add even more zing. Roller coasters are a thought, but the complexity of pulling it off pretty much makes it a non-starter. Planes are only fun during a rough air, but then they turn on those pesky seat belt signs and spoil all the fun.  Then of course, sex in the bed of a pickup truck while going over a washboard road is just about the best. Of course you need at least one other person to drive. If you forgo the bed of the truck, you can always get each other off in the front seat. Of course when going for it in the truck bed, some sort of padding is a necessity. Use and air mattress or at least a couple of yoga pads. Now go have some fun out there!


Ya Hoo!!


If you want some other advice on sex and sexuality, check out these links:
Sex Advice for Men




Sex Advice for Women